MOve Over MOvember

Skinny Pig, looking oddly like my friend,
every month except MOvember.

It's the 30th of November, now known as MOvember, and I couldn't be happier. It's the day that all those little pervy moustaches get shaved off the men about town and they can return to their hairless, happy lives.

Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like facial hair. I have a friend who, overnight, can go from hairless to a complete, Grizzly Adams beard.  MOvember was made for this guy. He can shave the whole damn month and pull it out for the win in like, 4 days.  Granted, the guy must have to shave twice a day, normally, to be so hairless every other month, but still.

My problem is that the MOvember moustaches-- those pubic hair-esque moustaches that grow in three whiskers at a time-- are disgusting; they bring out the inner pervert in all guys.  Mild mannered men go from being perfectly harmless and generally nice guys, to the guys your Mama warned you never, ever to talk to at the playground.

And, let's also remember that every time you see one of those disgusting little rat-whisker moustaches, you're supposed to be thinking about that guy's testicles.

Think about that. It's like when someone says the phrase "the N word" instead of saying the actual word. You and I both know the word gets put into our heads and WE end up saying it (mentally anyway). If you ask me, that is cheating since I didn't want to think about that word in the first place, and the person that didn't say IT gets a total freebie of both not having said it but also having put the exact word in our minds.  Frickin' nice.  For the record, that's why,when I swear, I actually do it. Everyone knows what the swear word is, and frankly, I like to take responsibility for my words and actions. So ... Frick You.

Anyway, back to the perv-staches.  Those things, which are for prostate cancer research (hence our invited and required thinking of each guy's testes when you see his pervy, pubic hair moustache), were invented for guys to start talking about their junk and getting word out there for screenings and research.  Good work, Cancer Society of Earth-- guys have jumped on this bandwagon like no other. Mo other. Whatever.

However, what it does, as a side effect if you will, is make sure that no prostates (or anything in their general area) are used during the month of MOvember. Viagra sales must be down this month-- who wants to get close to those randomly itchy, just-long-enough-to-hurt facial hairs for a kiss?  Not me.

Again, if you or someone you love normally wears a beard, moustache or any sort of facial hair in the months outside of MOvember, I'm NOT talkin' to you.  You and I both know that facial hair, when grown out for several months, or years even, can be quite silky and nice. It's those testicle-thinking-research-supporting bits of facial hair that are closer to porcupine quills, not your luscious locks of love.

Look how cute I look when I jump! 

So, in an effort to join in on the hot MOvember action, I stopped shaving my legs. I figure if he's got porcupine quills on his face, I might as well have a hidden defence system of my own.  I even raised money for prostate research, although, I took bids to wear pants instead of mini-skirts. It was slow going that first week of November, but once my leg hair was long enough to resemble legwarmers, the money started pouring in. Here's an actual picture of my (bare) legs today.

Jealous? I thought so.