Whoooo Are You, Who, Who, Who-who?

Getting a phone call after I have finally got Kiddo 1 and 2 sleeping will usually send me into a rage reserved for people trying to sell me things at 8am on a Saturday.  However, I got a phone call about 20 minutes into afternoon naps that did quicken my pulse, but not in a rageful way.  It was the bank calling to let me know that my "debit card has been used at a facility where [they] are monitoring fraudulent charges."  I was requested to come in immediately to change my PIN.  

(I almost wrote PIN number, which is stupid because PIN stands for Personal Identification Number. It'd be like writing "Please RSVP" on something. Please respond, please? Who are you, Paula Abdul?  Straight up, now tell me.  

Random.)

At first, I thought I'd go in after the kiddos awoke from their naps.  I mean, what's the rush-- the bank was on it, they called me.  But then, as I tried to pretend I wasn't freaking out, I starting thinking that maybe if I didn't change my PIN and the thief decided to try my card again, like a frickin' slot machine in Vegas, then maybe the bank would be off the hook since they called me to change my number and I hadn't and I'd then be liable for any charges from that time forward.

I was at the bank before my kids' beds noticed we'd left.   

Changing my PIN was no big deal, and I felt surprisingly strong and virile after I left there. I almost didn't bother putting the keys in the car; I was sure I could simply carry the car home. Yes. It's funny how I got all "take back the night" about changing my PIN, but I did.  I felt like the person had tried to hack me, but because of the quickness of the bank, and my speedy awesomeness, we'd defeated the nasty thief before he could even try.  I sang that song for the credits of CSI: Miami and then realized I don't know that song after the screechy "Yeaaaaaaaah," and switched to the "Whooo are you, who who who who" of CSI: Las Vegas. And then when I realized I didn't know that song either, I sang that other song, Song 2 by Blur. It's 2 minutes long. I can fake 2 minutes. 

That night, I told Husband of my narrow victory over crime in our fair town, and he, less enthused than I was, said he'd check the card in the morning. I said "Just order us new cheques, ok?" and that was the whole conversation. I considered ordering a cape with a giant SB on it (for Super Badass, if you care to know) but mostly fell asleep about 3 minutes after the baby settled.  Such is the life of a crime-fighting momma. 

When I awoke the next morning, I leapt from bed in my new lycra crime-fighting suit (think Wonder Woman, but even frickin' badassed-er. Yes.) and fought the Killers in the backyard (not the band, rather, some thugs and ninjas) and came back in to make breakfast for the kiddos. 

I got Kiddo #1 off to school AND packed her a healthy lunch and felt pretty good about my new persona.  Elizabeth by day, and Super Badass by night (and sometimes during the day, if the occassion were to warrant it).  Then I got a phone call from my husband. 

"Elizabeth?" he asked.

"Ahem?" I replied. 

"Oh. Uh.  Um. Super Badass, uh, can I ask you a question?" (I was already digging this new name)

"Certainly, mortal Husband."

"Uh, did you spend $1500 yesterday in the span of 3 minutes at the same store in three different transactions?"

Even Super Badass can't spend money THAT fast. My heart leapt back in my throat.  How? What? When? Husband told me to get my Super self to the bank and make sure everything was ok. I was shaking. 

Luckily the bank was Super Wonderful about the whole thing. They've given me a new debit card, (The old one was a chip card, btw. You know, those super safe ones?) While they can't tell me who exactly is the person with my old bank card number and PIN, I can narrow it down to a place I'd never been before, and will never go again. The charges all appeared within an hour of using my card in this new store, and some strange things happened while I was there that make me doubt the vendor's honesty. 

No, I won't tell you who I think it is. Charges to a person's record (say, Libel, for example) can render a person unable to ever leave the country. Shopping in the USA is far too good to risk losing. :)

But the ironic part of this whole thing is that I spent almost 10 years living in America where I shredded everything that came into our house, bills, invoices, credit card applications, you name it. I was so terrified of Identity Theft that I was super careful. I only used websites with "https:" on them to make sure my information was secure.  

And here I am, back in Canada, and the theft came from someone I met, someone I saw in person, who chatted with me for almost an hour, who let Kiddo #1 play with the store pet, in my podunk town in Canada, where I never would have guessed such things occur.  

My Super Badass cape should arrive within the week, hopefully with my new bank card; I had to send payment via Paypal to double up on my security. In the meantime, I will have to fight the Killers in my yoga pants and nursing top. It's what a good mom does.