Rob Ford and the 4-Hour Diet

I just parked in the handicapped spot at the movies, breezed into the lobby and bought a regular popcorn and root beer. After I paid $903 for the treats, the apathetic teenager passed the delicious stuff to me and said she hoped I enjoyed the show.

I giggled, walked toward the ticket taker area and then took a sharp turn to the doors.

Yes, I just deeked out the teen vendor after buying a popcorn and root beer and went home. It's Treat day, see, and after having no carbs all week,  I'm allowed to shamelessly eat whatever I want (not even within reason! It can be completely unreasonable, like movie popcorn!) all day, one day a week.

The 4-hour diet is technically the name, but I don't think it has anything to do with 4 hours except the author also wrote the 4-hour Work Day so it's kinda his thing.

And let me tell you, the 4-Hour Diet sucks for 6 days but that 7th day is like living Rob Ford's life, only with carbs.

The week kinda looks like this: Monday: I feel valiant and able to do this no carb thing. I make breakfast, pack my giant salad with chickpeas and other magic for lunch and generally feel great about life.

Tuesday, I'm feeling pretty good but I miss cereal for breakfast, so I write it on my Saturday List and feel better about skipping it today because I know I'll get to it Saturday.  By the way, the Saturday List is good because you don't have to worry that you'll forget to eat something you crave; you write it down and then it can be gone from your brain until your magical, wondrous Cheat Day comes along.

Plus you can feel free to write anything down with no guilt or judgement. I'm gonna repeat that: with No guilt or judgement.

Then Wednesday hits and I'm usually out of kale for my salad and chickpeas are making me crabby.  And now I want cinnamon buns and stupid, delicious regular chips.

Thursday rolls in with a desperate need for chocolate and dammit Saturday is so dang FAR AWAY! Why can't I just have a fricking sandwich? Ugh and Taco Thursdays is irritating when all your toppings are just on a plate instead of in a happy, crunchy shell.  And I don't like lettuce anymore by Thursday so taco salads are O-U-T.

Then, it's Friday, Friday, Friday!
What a coy bitch.

I write "Snort lines of sugar" on my list and I just want to get through the day so I can go to bed early so I can get to Saturday faster!

But Saturday? It's like getting a never ending unicorn in Minion Rush. It's like beating all 800 levels of Candy Crush, first try, no dies. It's like getting all your kids to sleep, in their own beds, and reading a great book in a hot bath and THEN sleeping for 12 hours while someone else secretly comes in and cleans the house. And shaves your legs. No shit.

Husband lovingly refers to Cheat/Treat Day as "Buddy The Elf" day. I'm not gonna lie, it's a lot like that.

 I get up early and eat 3 Fudgee-o cookies while cinnamon buns cook. Then I eat those. Then I usually have a carb headache and start to feel sleepy. And thirsty. Cheat day, Treat Day, Ford day, Buddy Day-- whatever you call it, is awesome for the no-guilt factor alone. But it doesn't come free. I'm a little emotional, prone to fits of excitment, headachy and tired. Oh and thirsty!

However, the best part of the whole dang diet is that you lose 1-2 pounds a week as long as you only cheat every 7 days. Plus, as you go through the diet, carbs are less appealing. Already I'm putting things like apples and bananas on the list and foregoing the spaghetti drenched in chocolate sauce. I think that's why it works-- your brain realizes that not everything in your mouth needs to be attached to a carb.  (no matter what the fast food people try and tell you!)

You can do the research and read the book by Tim Ferriss if you want, cuz it's not quite as simple as I've laid out here, but it's cool and it works no matter what your dietary restrictions might be.

Why am I telling you this though? I forget. See cuz it's Sunday and Sunday is Carb Hangover day. It's the day you spend detoxing from the sugar overdose you had yesterday. It's the day where nothing carb-like seems good and, in fact, kinda makes you shudder. But don't worry, you'll be a carb maniac again by Friday.

Oh yeah, I remember why I wanted to share this with you. I'm not recruiting, nor am I looking for kudos.  I really just wanted to tell someone that I, indeed, went to the movies for the express purpose of buying popcorn and even parked in the handicapped spot to further my badassedness (don't worry, there are literally 8 of them and I chose the furthest one from the door, which is further than some of the regular parking spots, truth be told).

And I didn't feel an ounce of guilt because it was Treat Day, Cheat Day, Ford Day, Carb Day.  Well, I felt a little guilt that I was in the handicapped spot, so I drove home to spread the Carb Day cheer by singing loud for all to hear.