I Heart James Franco

Look at what cool shit you get when you follow James Franco!

Me: So, my BFF, James Franco has this new thing.
Husband: Oh?
Me: Yeah. He's painting selfies now.
Husband: Oh?
Me: Yeah, and now he's showing a series called--

(Kiddus Interruptus -- chasing each other screaming through the house while we make dinner)

Me: Frick, you guys!
Husband: Children, settle down. Dinner's almost ready.
Me: GAH!
Husband: Time to tidy up and wash your hands to eat.

See? More cool shit.  And Seth Rogan's wang.

Me: Yeah, so the newest series is called "Seth at Play" and it's all gigantic nudes of Seth Rogan.
Husband: Didn't he just publish a poetry book, too?
Me: Who? Seth Rogan?
Husband: No. Your BFF.
Me: Oh, yeah. I want it for Mother's Day.
Husband: What's it called?
Me: Uhhh--

(Kiddus Interruptus -- singing of "Happy" by Pharrell)

Me: Friends. Please stop being so loud.
Husband: Sit down and we'll get you some curry.
Me: Hurry up. You're giving me the rage.
Husband: Please sit quickly. You wouldn't like her when she's hangry.

(Kiddus Interruptus-- I explain that hangry is a combination of Hungry and Angry. The 3 ad 6 year olds nod understandingly. I'm not sure what's worse: that they know I get hangry, or that they knew what hangry was before they knew the word for it. Sigh.)

Me: Yeah, so the book-- I think Palo Alto. Or something about David White? Or Seth Rogan?
Husband: How am I supposed to find it if you don't know what it's called?
Me: Well, just Chive: James Franco poetry.
Husband: I guess.
Me: He's on Broadway doing "Of Mice and Men."--

(Kiddus Interruptus-- discussing whether Dora's backpack is better than Diego's. I'm not sure how they ended things but at one point, the songs were even included-- and we all know Diego's rescue pack song is WAY better than Dora's backpack song.)

Husband: Well, my BFF, Kate Mara, made a robot.

She's off to Best Buy to get another cord for her robot.

Me: Who?
Husband: That woman from "House of Cards."
Me: Did she really make a robot or are you jealous that my BFF does everything I love?
Husband: You love seeing Seth Rogan naked in bizarre positions?
Me: I thought you hadn't seen the paintings...
Husband: I googled them while you were distracted with the Diego/Dora debate.

(Kiddus Interruptus-- someone needs more Mac and Cheese, someone else needs something else.)

Husband: She's on my Friends list.
Me: You. Didn't.
Husband: (laughing heartily) I added her a couple years back.
Me: My friend request has been pending since 2008!
Husband: Well... she does make robots.

(Kiddus Interruptus-- someone needs her stuffed dog. The actual dog needs out.)

Me: It's time for bed. Everyone. Jams.
Husband: Children, you need to get your pyjamas on. It's 5 minutes to bedtime.
Me: It's ok. He mostly looks grumpy. Except when he's holding Seth Rogan, or some other dude.
Husband: Oh?

(Kiddus Interruptus-- Can we play with the turtle? Also, can we change the turtle's name from Jelly to Charlie? Only if we can change your names, too, kids. I like Esmeralda and DonJuan. They call my bluff and I say no one is changing their names.)

Me: Yeah. He's just my BFF. You've got my heart, lovey.
Husband: Well then.
Me: Although, I'd like to paint a giant canvas of you naked in an awkward position.
Husband: I think a giant canvas of me naked would be awkward enough.
Me: Just saying. We could hang it in your TV room.
Husband: Just getting awkwarder.
Me: I think "awkwarder" is awkward enough.

(Conversation Interruptus-- he's gone to Olympic Volleyball and I'm heading down to Youtube how to build a robot)

What? Our BFFs in a selfie together? With a girl with a lizard in her hair? Totes Legit.