I'm sitting here thinking of the cute things that have been going on in the last few days and trying to figure out a start for tonight's installment. Rather, I'm trying to figure out a start that I can continue into a wee blog for enjoyment and laughs.
The thing is, all I can think about while I'm typing is that I've invited the neighbour kids over for a playdate tomorrow afternoon, when Kiddo #1 has a cooking class from 10 to 11 and I have a physio appointment for my wretched, bastard back that is too cowardly to just gently tell me that it hurts, and instead just freaked the heck out and I'm half incapacitated from pain, at 8:30 AND THE CLEANING FAIRY IS ON VACATION!
I had all these grand plans to dicuss the book club that I was so excited to join that I actually even read the book (!) or maybe the birthday party my kiddo attended today blah blah blah but I'm too preoccupied with what a frickin' disaster my house is, to be able to write witty anecdotes and all that jazz.
See, because when I know the Cleaning Fairy isn't coming, I don't tidy like I normally do. It's like when you're reading for a book club, you read it for a purpose (ie: to sound relatively unstupid in front your neighbours) so you watch a little more closely to the clues the author leaves lying around in the text. But, if you're just reading a book for fun, you can get through a whole thing without anything important to say about it.
Right, so the house. It kinda looks like a cross between a trailer park after a tornado and "Animal House."
So then I'm sitting here typing about the book club, but I can't focus on that because I'm also making a list of the top priority spaces: 1) the living room (needs vacuuming, tidying) 2) kitchen (needs a flame thrower) 3) the play room (needs vacuuming, tidying) and also trying to figure out about how much time each spot will take (probably all three areas could be managable in 2 hours) and --
SIGH!
What was I thinking?
But then, there's this secret part of me that wants to just leave it all and say, "Welcome to Real House."
Sounds intriguing, you say?
A few years ago, my borther was having everyone over for a birthday/Christmas/general holiday and I was marveling that his floors were spotless (and this was long before they had a dog as a broom). He said, "Oh, well, this is Fake House. We've been creating Fake House for the last four days-- dusting, polishing, scrubbing, tidying, hiding, painting, accessorizing and all that crap. Now, if you had shown up on any day besides TODAY, you would see Real House. That's the house that we, as a family of five, live in. It's the house with toothpaste in the sink, homework that snuck under the chesterfield (sofa for you Americans), and clean laundry in a pile on the bed, waiting to be hung up."
Since my brother introduced me to Fake House and Real House, my life has become much less stressed. I was under the impression, for example, that all homes in Better Homes and Gardens Magazine look perfect like that ALWAYS.
I'm sure part of that is because every time I open up my magazines, the pictures stay the same, in a static, perfect moment of peace and harmony. Of course, I always wonder if, just outside the picture frame, there are two children and giant, stinking St. Bernard, wet from a romp in the creek, that are (all three) frothing at the mouth on the other side of the baby gate, with ketchup on their fingers and the muddy, black soil of freshly planted-and-uprooted begonias in between their toes. But it doesn't matter what's going on on the other side of the baby gate, because every time I turn to page 37, the crisp white linens on the perfectly made bed, that lays on a thick, shaggy white carpet lull me into a fantasy where this, truly could be mine if I just tried harder.
But, back to the problem at hand: who am I trying to impress? Neither of the neighbour kids care whether the pictures are all straight on the wall and the refrigerator door is clean of fingerprints and smudges ... and chocolate milk. I'm fairly certain that Mom isn't going to stay for the play date, but even if she did, is she not a parent, too? So doesn't she also have Real House most of the time? If you stick us, do we not bleed? If you run over our toes with a scooter, do we not howl in pain? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that yes, she has Real House and that she, also, swallows the curse words that threaten to escape when she is accosted by a remote controlled Hummer.
So why am I so bent on picking up the house for a playdate? I guess it's for the same reason I put make-up on every day-- do my kids care whether I have crazy eyebrows or not? No. I do, though. It makes me feel good and like I have a purpose. I find if I don't put my make-up on, I don't bother putting on a proper outfit. If I don't put on proper clothes, I can't leave the house for any reason. If I can't leave the house, then I can't possibly meet my husband in Paris for an impromptu lunch on the banks of the Seine. And, now this has the bizarre sound of a Laura Numeroff book.
So, off I go to clean and tidy, because I guess it's the same as doing my make-up every day. And while I'm doing all that, I'm going to check to make sure my passport is up to date, because, well, what if?
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