How Sweet It IS to be Loved By YOU

Sophia Bush (pun intended) when she found
out what the Thong part of a Brazilian is. 

First thing's first: When my husband agreed to shave his head if his co-workers could raise $1500 for the oncology department where his father is undergoing treatment for stage 4 lymphoma, I was really unhappy.

Yes, I know exactly how crap that is: chemo is much worse than a bald husband, and plus, who cares? Hair grows back. Nonetheless, I was horrified and silently praying the goal would not be met. However, due to a guilt complex that is ... complex and a bit of an overachiever I began feeling like a real DB for being so superficial and unsupportive of all the good that would come from the monies raised.

So, in classic me-style, I posted on Facebook that I was willing to do something crazy insane if my peeps got the total to $2000. Knowing Husband's donations had been hovering around the $800 mark for around a month, I was quite confident that, no matter what the crazy thing turned into, we'd never, ever make it to $2000. Like, ever.

And so I got an instant message from a friend.

Friend: Hey, so what ARE you gonna do for $2000?
Me: You make it sound dirty.
Friend: Haha. You know what I mean.
Me: I dunno? Shave my legs? lol That would be a lot of hair to donate to Locks of Love.
Friend. Gross. Hahaha. What if you got a brazillian?
Me: Have an affair?
Friend: har har. No, like, wax your snatch.
Me: (horrified silence). <----- which is exactly what I typed
Friend: What? It's not that bad. I've been doing it for years!
Me: (horrified silence) <----- which is exactly what I typed
Friend: Seriously, raising money for cancer always comes down to someone's junk-- Movember is all about balls, October is all about tits. Why not the crotch?
Me: Um. (horrified silence) Um, because how would anyone know I had it done? I'm NOT posting a picture of the aftermath. Or the pre-math. Or the during-math. There will be NO math posted.
Friend: You can post a picture of Husband smiling.
Me: Seriously. I'm unfriending you. Defriending you. Whatever.

But then I got to thinking about it, and figured Husband needed a boost to get his numbers to $1500 anyway. I mean, it was after Movember -- so people who usually support crazy hair growth/removal for Cancer have already donated and it was getting closer to Christmas so people who usually support a good cause will be tapped for present buying and all that.

I'm incredibly fortunate to have amazingly supportive friends; friends who enjoy helping a good cause and don't bat an eyelash at my craziness are the only way I get through this crazy thing called life.
...

And that's how I ended up on the phone with the spa, booking a treatment.

Lady: Hi, Waxy Spa. How can I help you?
Me: Uh, hi. Well, I uh, need a procedure.
Lady. Ok? What's your name?
Me: Uh. Uh, um, Regina Filangi.
Lady: Regina?
Me: Yes. Filangi.
Lady: Can you spell that?
Me: Uh. F-I-L-A-N-G-I.
Lady: Have you been here before Regina?
Me: Yes. Er, I mean no. I, uh, have some questions, too.
Lady: Well when can you come in?
Me: Uh, next Saturday? But I need to know how long it takes to get a Brazilian.
Lady: Oh. Uh, well, I don't know.
Me: Well, that's the procedure I need done.
Lady: Ok. Well, the woman that does them, Jody, isn't here right now.
Me: And I also need a Thong.
Lady: Ok. Well usually you wear that yourself. We don't provide them.
Me: No like, a Brazilian and a thong. A thong. THONG. Like up the back?
Lady: I uh, you want to book a Brazilian?
Me: Oh. So should I just book the Brazilian now? I need a Brazilian and a Thong.
Lady: Well you will work all that out with Jody.
Me: Oh. Ok. Uh, I just need to book a ...
Lady: I don't know what you're saying.
Me: Like, a BRA-Zillion and then also the other side.
Lady: She's not here.
Me: No, like, book one. I need to book the procedure. And I have a few questions about it.
Lady: Look, Regina. I don't do the procedures. I don't know what happens, I don't want to know what happens, and I can't book you because she's not here anyway. Can you please, please, please call back tomorrow?
Me: I really don't think I can have this conversation twice.

...

The other reason I figured I'd go for the "Full Monty" of waxing is because there would be no way to prove or disprove I'd actually gone through with it. I could walk all cowboy-style and get some pictures taken of me crying or stunned and call it a day. $2000 raised for cancer and no snatch-attacks for yours truly, but everyone would think I'd done it. Win-win-win!

Then, with no warning, my lovely neighbours got on board and within seconds, not only had we reached our (my) $2000 goal, but one of them also wonderfully, heroically offered to pay for the Brazilian as her "donation" since we'd already reached the goal by the time she'd heard about it.

How. Sweet.

How. Incredibly. Sweet.

The face I made when I realized we were over $2000
and I actually must go through with my end of the bargain.